More Lessons from Shira

A friend requested some of the contents of this message to the students at Univ. of Illinois that I wrote. It was read at a memorial service that was held at the campus Hillel on Shira's shloshim.

Most of you may not realize that Shira was first diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma almost ten years ago. After her first treatments and a three-year remission she was informed of a relapse and given a choice to follow the standard course of a bone marrow transplant or attempt an experimental radiation therapy. The primary reason that she chose the latter is that she was told that in all likelihood she would not be able to have children after a transplant. This was 2 years before we were married, and though we were already good friends, we were not even close to dating yet.

Any of you that have met Yosef Zerachyah can appreciate the immense significance of the choice Shira made, but the truth is that she did not even consider it much of a choice. It was so obvious to her how much she needed to be an ima.

Three and a half years later, after marriage and child, we were informed of another relapse. Yosef Zerachyah was only four months old and Shira had been relishing in her devotion to son and husband. The news itself might have been painful enough, but for some reason when she had to stop nursing her son suddenly we both felt an even deeper sadness. It may have been a less significant detail in terms of mortality, but it was emblematic of a loss that touched upon the core of how Shira saw herself and her tafkid- her purpose- in life.

The reason I mention this is that we all know that there was no loss in reality. Shira continued to be an amazing ima, as well as an incredible wife. The strength, inspiration and love that she gave me and Yosef Zerachyah, and in fact continues to give us, is an even more powerful fulfillment of that tafkid.

So now, let us reflect on a somewhat similar episode over a year later when on a trip to Israel over winter break we were informed that the treatments that Shira was receiving in Champaign were not working and she could not go back.

We loved learning and connecting with the students and community in Champaign. Once again there was a feeling of a loss of something so close to who we are and what we should be doing. Once again the true reality is deeper than that. The connections we made were lasting and even now Shira continues to reach us in a special way. The greatest testament to this fact is that you have come together tonight to share that experience.

On Sunday I will be teaching a class in Shira’s memory that will be recorded and accessible for download soon afterwards. The subject will be “Lessons from Shira”, but in truth I won’t have time to address all of the ways that she influenced us. Our ongoing relationship with Shira will best be represented every time one of us draws on her strength for any of the following—

• to open our eyes and give thanks to Hashem for all the blessings in our lives
• to dedicate ourselves to sincerity and personal growth and developing our relationships with Hashem
• to recognize or exemplify the congruence and not disparity between modesty and beauty
• to be a role model to others in representing what we believe in
• to learn how to accomplish our goals from all of our experiences in life

In these and many other ways we can bring Shira with us in our lives as well as share with her the merit that she deserves for inspiring us.

Yosef Zerachyah and I thank you for that on behalf of our wife and ima whom we love so much.